Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
