I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
