As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
