Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
