We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
