I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
