You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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