Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
