your thong is hanging out like whoa
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
