Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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