two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
