At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
