hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize