Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
