i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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