the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
