I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
