Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everclear isn't food dammit
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize