Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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