That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
