i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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