oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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