put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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