I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Alive.
So much puke
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
