we have pet lesbian snakes
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
