There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
