I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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