My cat gives me a boner
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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