Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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