Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
