sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize