they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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