I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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