I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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