No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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