i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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