dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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