I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
