If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
