Already got asked if we're dating
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
barbara walters just said penis...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
