I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize