I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
