I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my shit smells like andre
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
