I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize