They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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