buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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