mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
