just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
