So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
