Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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