i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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