Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should frame my arrest warrant.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize