i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
