i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize