Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
