she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
