if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Houston, we have a squirter
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize