so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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