Your dad touched me again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
