she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
