R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
