This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
