Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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