what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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