He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
