Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
