The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
