I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were trust falling into bushes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
