CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
