If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
