Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
