I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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