Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
