Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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