How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
