so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
