actually, I'm a sock model
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
